Going Paleo..well sort of

I recently started reading the book Wheat Belly, right around the same time I decided to go crazy and join District CrossFit gym. Wheat Belly is a book written by a doctor who discusses the negative effects (and what exactly causes them) of consuming wheat (and sugar and carbohydrates). Warning: This book will terrify the poop out of you. You will never look at that donut, or pasta, or oatmeal, or sandwich the same again. They all grow little devil horns and start running around with a pitchfork, or at least you see them that way, after you read this book. CrossFit gyms promote a "clean eating" Paleo diet. You may have heard this called the cave-man diet, as in you can only eat it if it is something running around on 4 legs and you hunt it down, kill it, and devour it. Let me clarify what Paleo means: Paleo means no sugar (let me repeat that, NO SUGAR, as in not even zero-calorie artificial sweeteners like stevia to make your day start off right), no grains (wheat, rice, barley, oat, or anything of that nature), no potatoes, no legumes-beans (and yes, peanuts and peanut butter are considered legumes, not a nut, damn you peanuts), no soy (as soy is a legume), no dairy, (but I guess there are exceptions for butter from grassfed cows- cavemen didn't have butter or cows?), and basically nothing that tastes good. If you need a lesson on Paleo, there are several "is it Paleo" flow charts available.

And gluten-free products are not an option, since the only thing that is actually WORSE for you than gluten from wheat are things that they use to make gluten-free items with (corn strach, tapioca starch, etc.). And these usually just contain another form of grain anyways.

I tried Paleo, like for real, once and last about one and a half days before I was keeling over on the floor out of energy because I thought there was nothing I could eat. I tried to go running, after eating I think some lettuce. I didn't get very far into my run. Maybe not even a mile, before I had to stop. This is back when 5 miles was no biggie. That wasn't going to work for me.

So now that I joined this fancy (and when I say fancy, I mean too expensive) gym which is promoting Paleo, and anything traditionally considered a carbohydrate scares me because I don't want a wheat belly or diabetes or arthritis or to grow old quick or any of the scary things that Dr. William Davis has told me will happen to me if I eat a bagel, I have decided to revisit this Paleo diet.

I have successfully removed wheat and dairy from my diet. When I say removed, I mean that I have not really had these things, although Lindsay did bring home one of my favorite treats, Rosemary shortbread from Spring Mill Bread Co. that I gave in to, and I tried some non-homogenized milk from grass-fed antibiotic free local cows, because I really wanted to know if it tasted different (and it tasted REAL good). But those were both conscious decisions and not mindless munching on wheat or dairy products. It has been much easier than I thought. I wasn't a big snacker to begin with, though. I never had things like pretzels or crackers sitting around. But we did used to eat pasta on a regular basis, and sandwiches, and oatmeal for breakfast, and pita with hummus and things like that- all things that I thought were healthy for me. And I never really thought that things like yogurt or cheese were doing too much harm. BUT, I have managed to get rid of them from my diet.

Where I have completely failed is the elimination of legumes and sugar. I have a love affair, no an addiction, to beans. Since I spent the majority of my life as a vegetarian, beans are what have sustained me for the majority of my life. I still have to do the research on why legumes are supposed to be so bad for me, so for now, they aren't ousted. It's hard to sustain yourself on nothing but meat and veggies. I feel like I need beans right now.

AND SUGAR. oh god, sugar. Did you know French macaroons are made with almond flour- not wheat flour!So they are basically Paleo, except for the sugar, which I haven't cut out yet, so Paleo enough for me. So I have been eating too many French macaroons since my discovery of The Sweet Lobby, and I need to cut my sugar addiction out. Starting, tomorrow? But really, I am not eating too much, most days its just fruit. Am I eating too much fruit? But I NEED carbs in some way. I feel like maybe the Paleo diet wasn't intended for people who actually work out. I mean the kind of work-out where endurance is required. I don't have any problems with my 5-20 minute intense CrossFit WODs, but running miles and miles is difficult now.

So you are supposed to feel completely different after going Paleo, but I don't. I don't sleep better, I don't feel better, I'm still generally tired, I am still a grumpy bitch, and I guess maybe I feel better about myself for doing it, but really not physically better. So I guess maybe the beans and sugar/fruit have to go to feel these effects? Shawn thinks this is temporary, but I am pretty sure I won't go back to eating grains or dairy, especially grains (except for rare indulgences for very special occasions) since I know so many scary things about them. I wonder if when I have children, can children be Paleo? Like ALL infant and child products contain wheat in some form.

Why can't humans just start over?